CHAPTER 7 THE TWO KINDS OF PAIN

Even when we allow the Holy Spirit to lead us,
emotional healing is
still painful. But I believe there are two kinds of
pain: the pain of
change, and the pain of never changing and
remaining the same. If you
will let the Spirit of the Lord direct your recovery
Program, He will
always be there to provide the strength you
need in each phase, so
that whatever trials you may have to face, you
will be able to bear
them.
The Lord has promised never to leave us nor
forsake us. This promise
in Hebrews 13:5 is so powerful: "Let your
character or moral
disposition be free from love of money
[including greed, avarice,
lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be
satisfied with your
present [circumstances and with what you
have]; for He [God] Himself
has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give
you up nor leave you
without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will]
not in any
degree, leave you helpless nor forsake nor let
[you] down (relax My
hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]"
We need to hold on to that promise when we
are tempted to get ahead of
God. If we begin to "do our own thing," we are
in dangerous territory.
Our heavenly Father is under no obligation to
sustain us in bearing
trials that were never a part of His plan
for us. We may well survive, but the process will
involve much more
struggle than was necessary. The pain of
emotional wounding and
healing can be even more traumatic than
physical pain. When you are
following God's revealed plan, and you come to
painful times, remember
that the Holy Spirit is the Strengthener.
Sometimes it may seem that
you are not going to make it through. At such
moments, ask the Lord to
strengthen you.
A great scripture to memorize for these difficult
times is 1
Corinthians 10:13 in which the apostle Paul
reminds us:
For no temptation (no trial regarded as enticing
to sin, no matter how
it comes or where it leads) has overtaken you
and laid hold on you
that is not common to man [that is, no
temptation or trial has come to
you that is beyond human resistance and that is
not adjusted and
adapted and belonging to human experience,
and such as man can bear].
But God is faithful [to His Word and to His
compassionate nature] ,
and He [can be trusted] not to let you be tempted and tried and
assayed beyond your ability and strength of
resistance and power to
endure, but with the temptation He will [always]
also provide the way
out (the means of escape to a landing place),
that you may be capable
and strong and powerful to bear up under it
patiently.
With such hard times come many temptations.
Among these is the
temptation to give up and revert
to old thoughts and ways, to become negative,
depressed, and angry
with God because you do not understand why
He does not seem to be
providing the way out of all the pain you have
had to bear in your
life. Yet this passage of Scripture tells us that
God will always
intervene on our behalf and that His help will
always arrive on time.
Purpose in your heart to hold on and not let go!
Another helpful
passage is found in 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 in
which Paul refers to his
own suffering because of what he calls "a thorn
(a splinter) in the
flesh" (v. 7). It really does not matter what the
thorn was, but we
know it irritated him and he wanted it removed.
Whatever it was, three
times Paul sought God to take it away. Yet the
Lord's answer to him
was, "My grace (My favor and loving -kindness
and mercy) is enough for
you [sufficient against any danger and enables
you to bear the trouble
manfully]; for My strength and power are made
perfect (fulfilled and
completed)and show themselves most effective
in [your] weakness" (v.
9).
We are not always delivered from our distress at
the precise moment we
call on the name of the Lord. Sometimes we
must endure for a while, be
patient, and continue in faith. Thank God,
during those times in which
the Lord decides for whatever reason not to
deliver us right away, He
always gives us the grace and strength we need
to press on toward
eventual victory.
Do you ever wonder why God does not always
deliver us from our bondage and problems
immediately? The reason is
because only the Lord knows everything that
needs to be done in the
lives of His children-and the perfect timing for it
to be done.
From my own experience, I have learned to trust
rather than to
question. It is not wrong to ask God why, unless
that questioning
produces confusion, in which case it is much
better simply to trust
the Lord, knowing that He is never wrong-and
that He is never late!
Often we understand the why behind an event
or situation only after it
is all over and we can stand on the other side of
it, looking back on
it. There are many experiences in my life that I
certainly did not
understand while I was going through them.
Now, however, I have come
to understand something of their meaning and
purpose. Going through
trials is painful. In my ministry, I often share
with people that the
book of Revelation says that we overcome the
devil by the blood of the
Lamb and by the word of our testimony (see
Revelation 12:11 kjv). A
testimony of victory in any area of life is
important. However, in
order to have a positive testimony, it is
necessary to have
successfully overcome some hardship or
opposition.
The painful part is what we must go through
while we are being tempted
and tested; the glorious part comes after we
have finished going
through the trial and can then testify of the
great victory and God's
great faithfulness. We have no testimony
without a
test.
Doorways of Pain
Because I personally experienced so much
emotional pain, as you may
have done also, I grew weary of hurting. I was
attempting to find
healing by following the leadership of the Holy
Spirit. Yet I could
not honestly understand why the process had to
be so painful. I felt
that if I were to be able to continue enduring
the pain, I had to have
some answers from the Lord. I was actually
improving, getting better,
gaining a victory here and there, but it seemed
that every time I made
any progress, the Lord would bring me into a
new phase of recovery
that would always mean more pain and
emotional upset.
As I prayed about my situation, God gave me a
vision. In my heart, I
saw a series of doorways -one after another.
Each represented a
traumatic event in my past life that had brought pain when it had
occurred. The Lord showed me how that each
time I went though one of
the painful events or situations
The Doorways of Pain(being sexually abused at
home; being ridiculed at
school because I was overweight; being unable
to have any close
friends; being subjected to constant fear; being
abandoned by my first
husband; being betrayed by a group of friends
at church; and so on),
it was a new doorway of pain, through which I
was forced to pass.
I can remember vividly the anguish of fear,
rejection, abandonment,
and betrayal-and so can you if you were a victim
of these abuses that
place people into such bondage.
When I finally allowed the Lord to work in my
life, He revealed to me
I had been hiding behind many such "doorways
of pain." I was deep in
bondage, taking refuge behind false
personalities, pretenses, and
facades. I was simply unable to understand how
to free myself. When
the Lord began to deliver me from bondage, it
hurt.
I now understand that in order to be led out of
bondage and into
freedom, we must pass back through the same,
or similar, doorways of
pain that we previously went through so that we
can get on the other
side of them. When we are taken into bondage
through doorways of pain,
we must pass through the same doorways to get
out of its captivity.
Both times through the doorways is painful, first
from the actual
abuse, and again from the memory of it. In
order to deliver and to
heal us, the Lord must lead us to face issues,
people, and truths that
we find difficult, if not impossible, to face on
our own. Let me give
you several examples:
Example One
I was always terrified of my father. Even as a
grown woman in my
forties, with four children of my own, I was still
frightened of him.
Many painful events had
brought that fear into my life.
I was forty-seven years old before the Lord led
me to finally confront
my father. I will share more about this
confrontation later in this
book, but I had to look my father straight in the
eye and tell him, "I
am not afraid of you anymore."
When I finally spoke to my father about the
abusive way he had treated
me, I did it in obedience and by faith, but not
without "fear and
trembling" (see Philippians 2:12 kjv) . I had come
face to face with
one of my doorways of pain. I knew that either
I could go back through
it and come out free on the other side, or I
could stay in bondage
behind the door, hiding, and remain forever
afraid of my own father.
It is important to note that I confronted my
father, who was the
primary cause of my pain, only because the Holy
Spirit led me to do
so. Do not confront your abuser just because I
did it. You must pray
and listen to God's leading concerning the right
steps to your
deliverance.
Example Two
Sometimes people get hurt in the church by
other Christians. Somehow
we seem to think that believers should not hurt
other believers-and
they shouldn't. But things are seldom as they
ought to be, even in the
lives of God's people. We in the Church do hurt
one
another, and it does cause pain. Frequently,
when this happens, the
injured party withdraws from any association or
involvement with the
ones who caused the pain. Hiding behind a
doorway of pain, the wounded
individual may decide: "Since I got hurt at
church, I will continue to
go to services (maybe), but I will never get
involved with those
people again." That is a form of bondage,
because the person is
allowing the past to control him.
God will bring us to a place in which we must
step out of hiding and
take a chance on being hurt again. When we do
step out, it is the
equivalent of going back through the same
doorway of pain that led us
into bondage.
Example Three
Learning to submit to authority can be difficult
for some people. It
was extremely painful for me. Since I had been
abused by every
authority figure I had ever known, my attitude
was, "Why should I
allow someone else to tell me what to do?" I did
not trust anyone,
especially men.
When the Holy Spirit led me to the phase of my
recovery in which I had
to submit t husband, the battle was on! I experienced a
terrible
sense of rebellion in my flesh. I wanted to be
submissive, because I
truly believed that it was scriptural, but the pain
of submission was
more then I knew how to handle.
I did not understand what was wrong with me. I
realize now that
submitting to someone else and allowing that
person to make decisions
for me brought back all the old fears and
memories of being
manipulated and taken advantage of. Having my
father (an authority
figure) telling me that the hurtful decisions he
was making for me
were for my good, and all the time hating so
much what he was doing to
me, combined with my frustrations at being
unable to do anything about
it all, did not leave me thrilled about
submission. In order to be set
free and to become the whole person that God
desired for me to be, I
had to learn to submit to my husband. Like
many other Christians, I
believed that the Scriptures teach that
submission of the wife and
children to the husband and father as the head
of the home is God's
revealed plan for families. I was convinced that
this principle is set
forth in His Word and that therefore I had no
choice but to submit to
it, or be in rebellion against the Lord. But it
certainly was painful!
Now, I am free and can see the safety and
security in godly
submission.
Many people get confused about submission.
They think that it means
that they must do everything an authority tells
them to do, no matter
what it is. The Bible teaches that we should be
submissive only "as it
is fit in the Lord" (Colossians 3:18 kjv).
I trust that these examples will help you
understand the "doorways of
pain" and how they must be faced.
Do not look upon them as the entrance to
suffering but as the
threshold of recovery. Jesus will always be with
you to lead you and
strengthen you as you pass through these
gateways to wholeness.
Remember,pain is really a part of the healing
process. If a person
falls on concrete and skins his knee badly, he
will most definitely
hurt. The next day, the pain may be even worse than when the wound was
fresh. By that time a scab may have formed
over the wound, which is a
sign that his body is involved in the process of
healing. But although
now covered with the protective scab, his wound
is also drawing,
burning, and throbbing because of the increase
of blood rushing to
bring healing to the affected area.
The initial wound brings pain, but often healing
brings even worse
pain. Yet they are not the same kind of pain,
nor do they have the
same result. Some people's emotional wounds
have been ignored for so
long they have become infected. That kind of
pain is totally different
from the pain of healing. One is to be avoided;
the other is to be
welcomed. No Pain, No Gain!
I gained an excellent piece of wisdom through
personal experience: Do
not be afraid of pain! As strange as it may
seem, the more you dread
and resist the pain of healing, the more you
increase the effect that
pain has upon you.
An example of this truth happened years ago
when I went on a fast for
the first time in my life. God called me to a
twenty- eight- day juice
fast. In the beginning, I went through some
really hard times. I was
very very hungry. In fact, I was so famished
that I was in actual
pain. As I cried out to the Lord, complaining
that I just could not
stand it any longer, He answered me. Deep
within me I heard the "still
small voice" (see 1 Kings 19:12 kjv) of the Lord
say to me, "Stop
fighting the pain; let it do its work." From that
time on, the fast
was much easier, even enjoyable, because I
knew that every time I felt
discomfort, it was a sign of progress.
The rule is that the more pain is resisted, the
stronger it becomes.
When a pregnant woman goes into labor, the
advice she is given by her
attendants is, "Relax." They know that the more
she fights the pain,
the stronger it will become, and the longer the
delivery process will
take.
When you are going through a difficult time,
when the pain becomes so
severe that it seems to be more than you can
endure, remember Hebrews 12:2:
"Looking away [from all that will distract] to
Jesus, Who is the
Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the
first incentive for our
belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to
maturity and
perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the
prize] that was set
before Him, endured the cross, despising and
ignoring the shame, and
is now seated at the right hand of the throne of
God."
Endurance Produces Joy
When you are experiencing pain, do not fight it.
Allow it to
accomplish its purpose. Remember this promise:
"They who sow in tears
shall reap in joy and singing" (Psalm 126:5).
Learn to endure whatever
you need to, knowing that there is joy on the
other side!
Healing may be painful, but you have nothing to
lose. You are hurting
anyway; you may as well reap the full benefit of
your suffering. As
long as you allow past abuse to keep you in
bondage, you will live in
continual pain. At least the pain of healing
produces a positive
result-joy, instead of misery.
Let your pain lead you out of bondage, not
deeper into it. Do the
right thing, even if it is hard. Obey God and
follow the leading of
the Holy Spirit, knowing that "weeping may
endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).I