CHAPTER 2 THE ASHES OF ABUSE

I believe that most people are abused in one way or another during their lifetime. Almost every person can remember a time when he felt mistreated. I also believe there are multitudes of people who have been severely traumatized by the abuse that has been inflicted upon them.
Some of the definitions of the verb abuse are: "to put to a wrong or
improper use"; "deceive"; "to use so as to injure or damage:
maltreat"; "to attack in words: revile."
Definitions for the noun
abuse include: "a corrupt practice or custom";
"improper or excessive use or treatment: misuse"; "a deceitful act:
deception"; "language that condemns or vilifies . . .
unjustly, intemperately, and angrily"; "physical
maltreatment."3
Some common forms of abuse are: physical, verbal, mental, emotional,
and sexual. Any form of ongoing abuse can produce a root of rejection in the individual who has been mistreated, and this defensive sense of unworthiness can then cause major problems in
the interpersonal relationships of that individual. Today we live in a society filled with people who do not know how to get along with other people; even though the abuse in their lives has stopped, the residue of trauma continues to affect their ability to relate to others. God created us for love and acceptance, but the devil works hard to keep us feeling rejected because he knows that a lack of self-worth and root feelings of rejection injure individuals, families, and
friendships.
The above-mentioned types of abuse-whether they take the form of
broken relationships, abandonment, divorce, false accusations, exclusion from groups, dislike by teachers and other authority figures, ridicule by peers-or any one of hundreds of other such hurtful actions-can and do cause emotional wounds that can hinder people in their efforts to maintain healthy, lasting relationships.
Have You Been Abused?

If you have been treated wrongly or improperly, it can deeply affect
your emotional state. But to be healed of the pain of abuse, you must want to get well.
One of my favorite passages of scriptures (but a startling one) is John, chapter 5. In verse 5, Jesus is described as seeing a man lying by the pool of Bethesda who had been sick with a deep-seated and lingering disease  for thirty-eight years. Knowing how long this poor man had been in that terrible condition, Jesus asked him, "Do you want to become well? [Are you really in earnest about getting well?]" (v.6).
What kind of a question is that to ask someone who has been hurting
for that long? It is a proper question because not everyone wants to get well badly enough to do what is required.
Wounded emotions can
become a prison that locks self in and others out. But Jesus came to
open prison doors and to set the captives free (see Luke 4:18-19).
This man at Bethesda, like so many people today, had a deep -seated
and lingering disorder for a long, long time. I am sure that after
thirty-eight years he had learned how to function with his disorder.
People who are in prison function, but they are not free. However,
sometimes prisoners, whether physical or emotional, become so
accustomed to being in bondage that they settle in with their condition and learn to live with it. Are you an
"emotional prisoner"?
If so, how long have you been in that condition?
Is it a deep-seated and lingering disorder? Do you want to be free
of it? Do you really
want to be well? Jesus wants to heal you. He is willing, are you?
Do You Want to Be Free and Well?
Gaining freedom from emotional bondage is not easy. I will be honest
from the beginning and say, point blank, that for many, many people,
getting free from the pain of the past will not be easy. This discussion may provoke feelings and emotions they have been trying to hide rather than facing them. You may be one
of those people.
Perhaps you have experienced feelings and emotions in the past that have been too painful to deal with, so each time they have surfaced to your memory, you have said to God, "I am not ready yet, Lord! I will face that problem later!" This book will deal with the emotional pain caused by what others may have done to you, and also with your responsibility to God for overcoming those traumas in order to get well.
Some people (actually a great number of people) have a  hard time accepting responsibility for their own emotional
health. In these pages, we will deal in a practical way with forgiveness, repressed anger, self-pity, the chip-on-the-shoulder syndrome, the you-owe-me attitude, and many, many other poisonous attitudes that need cleansing if you are ever to be fully well. You may think,But who will deal with the person who hurt me?We will get around to that issue too. You may also be wondering, What makes this woman think that she is such an authority on the subject of emotions-especially
mine?You may have questions you would like to ask me, such as: "Do
you have a degree in psychology? Where did you do your study? Have
you been through any of the things I am going through? How do you
know what it is like to be caught in an emotional prison?"
I have answers to all those questions, and if you are brave enough to face your situation and have determined that
you really want to get
well, then read on.
I Was Abused
My schooling, degrees, experience, and
qualifications to teach on this
subject come from personal experience. I always
say, graduated from
the school of life." I claim the words of I
prophet Isaiah as my
diploma: the spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has
anointed and qualified me to preach the Gospel
of good tidings to the
meek, the poor, and afflicted; He has sent me
to bind up and heal the
brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the
[physical and spiritual]
captives and the opening of the prison and of
the eyes to those who
are bound, To proclaim the acceptable year of
the Lord [the year of
His favor] and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who
mourn,
To grant [consolation and joy] to those who
mourn in Zion-to give them
an ornament {a garland or diadem) of beauty
instead of ashes,the oil
of joy instead of mourning, the garment
[expressive] of praise instead
of a heavy, burdened,and failing spirit-that they
may be called oaks
of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent,
distinguished for
uprightness, justice, and right  standing with God], the planting of
the Lord, that He may be glorified. (Isaiah 61:13
emphasis mine)God
has exchanged my ashes for beauty and has
called me to help others to
learn to allow Him to do the same for them.
I was sexually, physically, verbally, mentally, and
emotionally abused from the time I can
remember until I finally left
home at the age of eighteen. Actually, several men abused me in my childhood. I have been rejected, abandoned,
betrayed, and divorced. I
know what it is to be an "emotional prisoner."
My purpose in writing this book is not to give my full testimony in detail, but to give you enough of my own experience so that you will believe that I know what it means to hurt. I can show you how to recover from the pain and trauma of abuse. I want to help you, and I
can do that better if you truly believe that I understand what you are
going through.4
Before I begin discussing the details of my childhood and sharing some
of the things I experienced, I wish to say that in no way do I mean any of these things to be degrading to my parents. Since the first
release of this book, God has been faithful to restore my relationship
with them.
But I have learned that hurting people hurt people; that most people who hurt others have been hurt themselves by someone else. God has enabled me by His grace to say, "Father, forgive them, for they really
did not know what they were doing."
I tell this story only for the purpose of helping
others who, like me,
were abused.