CHAPTER 4 BEHAVIOR ADDICTIONS CAUSED BY ABUSE

The first thing to realize is that the fruit in our
lives (our
behavior) comes from somewhere. A person
who is violent is that way
for a reason; bad behavior is like bad fruit of a
bad tree with bad
roots. Rotten fruit comes from rotten roots; good
fruit comes from
good roots.
It is important to take a close look at your roots.
If they are
unpleasant, harmful, or abusive, the good news
is that you can be
uprooted from that bad soil and be transplanted
into the good soil of
Christ Jesus. You can be rooted and grounded in
Him and in His love:
"May Christ through your faith [actually] dwell
(settle down, abide,
make His permanent home) in your hearts! May
you be rooted deep in
love and founded securely on love, that you
may have the power and be
strong to apprehend and grasp with all the
saints [God's devoted
people, the experience of that love] what is the
breadth and length
and height and depth [of it]" (Ephesians
3:17-18).
The Word teaches: "Have the roots [of your
being] firmly and deeply
planted [in Him, fixed and founded in Him],
being continually built up
in Him, becoming increasingly more confirmed
and established in the
faith, just as you were taught, and
abounding and overflowing in it with
thanksgiving" (Colossians
2:7).Jesus will graft you into Himself. As you, a
branch, are grafted
into Him, Who is the Vine (see John 15:5), you
will begin to receive
all the "sap" (the riches of His love and grace),
which flow from Him.
In other words, if while you were growing up
you did not receive what
you needed to make you sound and healthy,
Jesus will gladly give it to
you now.
In my own life there was a lot of bad fruit,
which I kept trying to
get rid of. I worked hard at trying to behave
correctly. Yet it seemed
that no matter what kind of bad behaviors I tried to get rid of, two
or three others popped up somewhere else. It
was like trying to get
rid of dandelion weeds. I kept pulling off the
visible part, but I was
not getting to the hidden root of the problem.
The root was alive and
kept producing a new crop of problems.
As the following reveal, rotten roots yield rotten
fruit, but good
fruit comes from good roots.
ROOTED IN REJECTION:
• Controlling
• Anger-Hostility
• Lack of Self-Confidence
• Get Good Feelings From "Addictions"
• Judgmental
• Low Self-Esteem
• Chip on the Shoulder
• Negativism
• Self-Hatred
• Depression
• Confusion and Inner Turmoil
• PRETEND ME
• Sex, Food, Money, Power, Drugs, Alcohol,
Activity
• If I Can't Get Good Feelings From Within
Me, I'll Try To Get Them
From the Outside"
• 'The Real Me Isn't Acceptable"
• Feelings Get "Stuffed"
• Because It's Too Painful
• To Face Them
• Shame
• "Something's Wrong With Me"Improper
"Mirroring" & "Imaging" From Parents
ROOTED IN CHRIST'S LOVE:
• Get Good Feelings From Living a Life of
"Self-Control"
• "I Am Made Acceptable in the Beloved"
Ephesians 1:6
• Relaxed Because Acceptance Isn't Based
on Performance
• Emotions aren't stuffed
• Rooted & Grounded in Christ's Love
• Valuable
• Acceptance
• Unique
• No Guilt
• Special
• I'm Okay And I'm On My Way
• Learning to be led by the Spirit
• The fruit of the Spirit working within
accomplishes:
• Love
• Peace
• Joy
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Kindness
• Patience
• Meekness
• Self Control
As an illustration, the Lord gave me this
example. Have you ever
noticed a foul odor when you opened the
refrigerator door? You
immediately knew that there was something
spoiled in there, but in
order to find out what was causing the smell,
you had to remove
everything in the refrigerator. The same
principle applies to your
personal life. If you are having emotional
problems, it may be because
there is something spoiled deep within you. You
may have to do some
searching, some emptying out, and even some taking apart in order to
get to the source of the problem and remove it
so that everything can
be
made fresh and new.
Remember, uprooting can be traumatic and
painful. Being replanted,
becoming rooted and grounded, is a process
that takes time. It is by
faith and patience that we inherit God's
promises (see Hebrews 6:12),
so be patient.
God is the Author and the Finisher (see Hebrews
12:2 kjv). He will
finish what He has begun in you: "And I am
convinced and sure of this
very thing, that He Who began a good work in
you will continue until
the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of
His return],
developing [that good work] and perfecting and
bringing it to full
completion in you" (Philippians 1:6).
Bad Fruit
I had so much bad fruit in my life that I
experienced regular bouts of
depression, negativism, self-pity, quick temper,
and the
chip-on-the-shoulder syndrome. I had a
controlling, domineering
spirit. I was harsh, hard, rigid, legalistic, and
judgmental. I held
grudges and was fearful-especially of being
rejected.
I was one person on the inside and another on
the outside. I pretended
to be confident, and in some ways I was. Still, I
had low self-esteem.
My so-called confidence was not really based on
who I was in Christ,
but on the approval of others, on my
appearance and accomplishments, and on other
such external factors.
Many people think they are confident, but if
their superficial
exterior is stripped away, they are actually
scared stiff! I was
confused and full of inner turmoil. I am
extremely blessed to be able
to say that I never became addicted to drugs or
alcohol. I smoked
cigarettes, but had no other chemical
dependencies. I just plain did
not like alcohol. I would take a few drinks, but
as soon as I started
feeling woozy, I would never drink beyond that
point.
I always had a lot of self-control. It was part of
my personality not
to let anything control me, so I stayed away
from drugs. I think the
fact that my father had controlled my life so
long fostered a
determination in me that nothing else would. Although I could not
control my inner problems, I seemed to have
wisdom about staying away
from things that could render me dependent
upon them.
I took diet pills once because I was always about
twenty-five pounds
overweight. Although a doctor prescribed them
for me, they made me
high. They were amphetamines, but I had no
idea they were harmful. I
loved the way they made me feel all day! When
I was on them, I could
work like a machine, clean house, be creative
and friendly; I was up,
up, up. But when they wore off, I was worn out!
Although I did not lose any weight, the pills did
take care of my
appetite-until they wore off. I would not
eat all day, but at night I would feel so down
that I would make up
for what I had missed throughout the day. I
remember debating about
whether I should get the prescription refilled,
but I knew inside that
I would get addicted to the pills if I kept taking
them, so I just
quit.
I realize now that the ability to avoid things that
could have
destroyed me came as a result of having
received Jesus when I was nine
years old. Even though I did not know how to
develop a real
relationship with the Lord, He was always with
me and was helping me
in ways I did not recognize at the time for lack
of knowledge. Years
later, these blessings were made clear to me. I
know that God's grace
and mercy kept me from serious problems such
as crime, drugs,
alcoholism, and prostitution. I am grateful to the
Lord and still in
awe of how He kept me. Although I did not
have those kinds of
problems, I had plenty of others. Bad roots had
caused my bad fruit.
Pretending
I was so miserable and unhappy. Yet, like so
many people, I pretended
that everything was fine. We human beings
pretend for the benefit of
others, not wanting them to know about our
misery, but we also pretend
for ourselves so that we do not have to face and
deal with difficult
issues.
I do not think, I ever realized just how miserable
I
really was until I had spent some time in the
Word of God and had begun to experience some emotional healing. If
a person has never
known true happiness, how can he know what
he is missing? I do not
remember ever being fully relaxed and truly
happy as a child. I do not
believe that anyone can enjoy life while living in
constant fear.
I recall Dave talking about his childhood one
evening after we were
married. He grew up with seven brothers and
sisters. They had so much
love in their home and a lot of fun as children.
Their summers were
spent in the country with picnics, ball games,
friends, and a
Christian mother who played with them and
taught them about Jesus.
They did not have much money because Dave's
father had died from liver
disease brought on by alcoholism. Yet the
influence, prayers, and
Christian example of Dave's mother kept the
family out of trouble.
They had love, which is what all of us need and
are actually created
for. As Dave shared with me that evening about
all the good times he
and his family had and how much he enjoyed
his youthful years, I
suddenly had a realization that I did not like. I
could never, ever
remember being happy as a child! Something
had been stolen from me
that I could never get back. I felt terribly
cheated. Perhaps you feel
the same way. If so, God will do for you what
He has done for me. He
will make it up to you. He will, Himself, be your
reward and will
recompense you for what you have lost.
I realized that I had to stop pretending and face
the truth. I had
some addictive behaviors from my past. That
past was not Dave's fault,
nor my children's fault. It was unfair to
continue making them suffer
for something in which they had had no part.
Addictive Behaviors
Addictive behaviors that can develop from abuse
are probably endless,
but here is a partial list:
SUBSTANCE ABUSE
• Alcohol
• Drugs (illegal and prescription)
MONETARY OBSESSIONS
• Excessive spending
• Hoarding
FOOD DISORDERS
• Bulimia (binge-purge)
• Anorexia (self-starvation)
• Obesity caused by gluttony
Note: Some people who have been promiscuous
stay overweight on purpose
in order to avoid being attractive. They fear
falling back into
temptation. Those who have been deprived of
love may eat to make up to
themselves for what they have missed.
FEELING ADDICTIONS
• Rage
• Sadness
• Fear
• Excessive excitement
• Religious righteousness
• Joy fixation (wearing a continuous, frozen
smile; never appearing to
be angry; laughing at inappropriate times;
speaking only of happy
things)
THOUGHT ADDICTIONS
• Excessive detailing
• Worry
• Nonstop talking
• Lustful thoughts
• Unsettled mind (never at rest; always
figuring out what to say and
do, how to react, etc.)
ACTIVITY OBSESSIONS
• Work
• Sports
• Reading
• Gambling
• Exercise
• Television viewing
• Owning and caring for excessive numbers
of pets
WILL ADDICTIONS
• Controlling-Controlling people feel they
must have their way in
every situation. They cannot submit emotion to
logic or reason. They
feel safe only when they are in control.
• Controlled-Those controlled become so
passive, they give their will
over to people and do whatever anyone says.
They can even become
possessed or severely oppressed by giving their
will to the devil.
They are so shame-based they feel they deserve
nothing-not even
choice.
• Reenactment addicts-These addicts
reenact their own abuse on their
children or repeatedly put themselves in
situations as adults that
produce the same type of thing that happened
to them as a child. A
similar scene gives flashbacks, and they take on
the role of the
abuser so as not to feel the painful memories of
abuse. For example, a
man who was beaten by his father in childhood
may physically abuse his
own children. He does this as a result of seeing
flashbacks of the old
scene and assuming the role of abuser, rather
than waiting to be
abused himself. A woman who was physically,
sexually, or verbally
abused by her father may marry a man, or even
several men in
succession, who will treat
her in the same way. She may feel she is not
worthy of anything else
or that she deserves being  mistreated. She may even see to it that she
receives her mistreatment, perhaps even
provoking the one who will
abuse her.
• Caretaker -Some people find their worth in
caring for others who
need them. They feel so worthless that they
become addicted to
caretaking, helping, pleasing people, and being
nice because doing so
makes them feel good.
Created To Feel Good Inside
Human beings we are created by God to be
happy and to good (right)
about ourselves. As a matter of fact, we must
feel good about
ourselves or eventually we will develop some
sort of uncontrolled
behavior, because such behavior gives us "good
feelings," even if only
for a little while. Think about this: A person
addicted to drugs
probably got started because his pain was so
intense he felt compelled
to get rid of it and feel good (high), even if only
temporarily. The
same thing is prevalent with drinking.
Many people use food as a comfort. Eating is
enjoyable; it makes them
feel good while they are engaging in it. Many
people who have eating
disorders are starving for love. They want to feel
good about
themselves. If they do not get good
feelings from the inside, then they will get them
from somewhere else.
If you have any addictive behaviors, this chapter
may help you to
understand the root of the problem. You can
spend your entire life
trying to subdue the outward behavior (the bad
fruit), but it will
come out somewhere else if the root has not
been taken care of.