As I was proofreading the manuscript for the first release of this book, God moved in a mighty way and brought deliverance and healing to the relationship between my father and me. I do not believe it was accidental that a miraculous conclusion of my story came in time for me to incorporate it into this book.
Although I had forgiven my father, our relationship had remained
strained and uncomfortable. He had never fully accepted responsibility for his
acts or faced how devastating his behavior was to my life. Through the years, I
tried the best I knew how to have some kind of relationship with my parents,
but it was a continual challenge.
I tried
on two occasions to confront these issues with my father and mother, but
neither of these efforts was successful. Each confrontation brought a lot of
anger, upset, and blame, without any real conclusion. At least the door had
been opened, and God was working in secret, behind the scenes, even when it
seemed that nothing would ever change.
After I
had moved my parents to live near me, God began dealing with me about the
biblical command to "honor your father and mother" (see Exodus
20:12). I must be truthful and say that although I was willing to honor them
and desired to do so, I was
baffled as to how to go about it. I visited them, called them, prayed
for them, and took them presents, but still the Lord would say to me,
"Honor your father and mother." I knew He was trying to show me
something, but I could not grasp what it was. Finally, one evening as I heard
again, "Honor your father and mother," I told the Lord that I had
done everything for them I knew to do, and that I did not know what else it was
He wanted.
Then I heard Him say, "Honor them in your heart," to which I
replied, "For what can I honor them?" He showed me that I could honor
them and appreciate them, in my heart, for giving me my life, for feeding and
clothing me, and for sending me to school.
I had been doing things for them outwardly, but God looks on the heart.
I found it difficult to have fond feelings of appreciation when all I
remembered was pain, but after hearing the same thing for a year from the Lord,
I knew that it was important, so I did what He said.
I prayed, "Thank You, God, for my parents and the fact that they
gave me my physical life. They brought me into the world; they fed me, clothed
me, and sent me to school, and I honor them for doing so." I really saw
what God was saying, and that moment I truly did appreciate the part my parents
had played in my life.
About a week later, an issue
arose concerning our
newly released national television program,Life In The Word. I received
news that my family members had seen the program and were urging my parents to
watch it. My father and mother asked me what channel they could see the program
on, and I realized that I needed to tell them I would be making reference to
the abuse in my childhood because God had called me to help people who have
been abused and mistreated. I could not imagine what it would do to them if
they tuned in their television set and heard me saying, "I come from a
background of child abuse." I did not want to hurt them. I felt awful, but
what could I do? Knowing that people find it easy to relate to me because I
share my background so openly, I went into much prayer, and then called for a
family conference with my husband, Dave, and our children. We decided that even
though letting my parents know that what I was doing could finish off what
little relationship we had left, I had to follow God's will for my life.
We went to visit them, and I shared the truth, telling them that I was
not doing it to hurt them, but that I had no choice if I was to help the people
God had called me to help.
I saw the miracle-working power
of God!
My father and mother sat there and listened calmly.
No anger was displayed; there were no accusations, no running from the truth.
My father then shared with Dave and me how sorry he was for what he had
done to me. He said that God knew he was sorry and that if there was any way he
could take it back, he would. He told me how he had been controlled and could
not have prevented himself from what he was doing. He said that he had
encountered abuse as a child himself, and was acting out of what he had learned
and had become accustomed to.
He further shared that recently he had watched several television
programs on abuse and had begun to realize from them how devastating sexual
abuse really is. He released me to share whatever I needed to and told me not
to worry about anything. He said that he wanted to build a relationship with me
and try to be my father and my friend. My mother, of course, was ecstatic with
joy at the thought of being able to have real relationships with her daughter,
grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. From that day forth, we started to see
some changes in my father. He would go to church for special services on Easter
or Christmas, but he never really said too much about it. He still had not
given his heart to Jesus, and he was still difficult to get along with.
Eventually, my mother told me that she felt that God might be dealing with my
father. She said, "I have found him several times, sitting on the edge of
his bed crying."
Then, one Thanksgiving morning my mother called and said, "Your dad
is too sick to go to the family
dinner today. He wishes he could
come, but he just feels too bad, but he wants to know if you and Dave will come
over and see him. He wants to talk to you about something."
So we went over, and the minute we walked into the room he started
crying. He said, "I just need to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to
you. I have wanted to say something about it for three years, but I just did
not have the guts."
Those
were his exact words. It is interesting to look back and see that it had been
three years since we bought my parents the house and moved them to live near
us. So our initial act of obedience to the Lord's direction was a seed that had
been planted to break the devil's back in my father's situation. Then he wept
with true repentance. I said, "It's all right, Daddy,I forgive you."
He asked Dave to forgive him too, and Dave said, "I forgive
you."
Then I said to my father, "Do you want to receive Christ as your
Savior?"
And he said, "Yes."
Because he had truly repented, it was totally different this time when
he prayed. He received the Lord, and though he struggled with doubt for several
days, thinking that he had been too bad to be
We
baptized my dad ten days later. I can tell you honestly that I have never seen
such a change in a person's character. He is still sick, and he feels bad all
the time, but he never really complains. He is actually one of the sweetest men
I know. Did my dad pay the price for what he did? Absolutely! He is old and
does not have a lot of friends. He cannot really get around. But I truly
believe that showing him love, consistent love, and obeying God by honoring him
in my heart, is what finally tore down that wall around him and caused him to
repent.
My husband, Dave, told my dad that the day of his repentance was one of
the greatest days in his life. As for me, I now fully understand God's promise,
spoken through the prophet Isaiah: "Instead of your [former] shame you
shall have a twofold recompense; instead of dishonor and reproach [your people]
shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess
double [what they had forfeited]; everlasting joy shall be theirs" (Isaiah
61:7). We have received a double blessing! God has restored both the abused and
the abuser!
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