CHAPTER 16 BLESSING YOUR ENEMIES

Jesus was quite clear about what we are to do to those who hurt us:

But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. (Matthew 5:44)

Invoke blessings upon and pray for the happiness of those who curse you, implore God's blessing (favor) upon those who abuse you [who revile, reproach, disparage, and highhandedly misuse you]. To the one who strikes you on the jaw or cheek, offer the other jaw or cheek also; and from him who takes away your outer garment, do not withhold your undergarment as well. (Luke 6:28-29)

Paul also instructed believers to forgive others, saying, "Bless those who persecute you [who are cruel in their attitude toward you]; bless and do not curse them" (Romans 12:14).

As I began to minister to people, I noticed that quite often they would express a genuine desire to forgive their enemies but would admit that they were unable to do so. I went to God in prayer seeking answers for them, and He gave me this message: "My people want to forgive, but they are not obeying the scriptures concerning forgiveness." The Lord led me to several passages about praying for and blessing our enemies. Many people claim to forgive their enemies,

but do not or will not pray for those who have hurt them. Praying for those who have wronged us can bring them to a place of repentance and a true realization of the harm they are causing others. Without such prayer, they may remain in deception.

Pray for God to bless your enemies, those who abuse and ridicule and misuse you. You are not praying specifically for their works to be blessed, but rather for them to be blessed as individuals.

It is impossible for anyone to be truly blessed without knowing Jesus. As a victim of abuse, if you are willing to pray for your abusers, you will activate Romans 12:21: "Do not let yourself be overcome by evil, but overcome (master) evil with good."

Ask God to show mercy, not judgment, to your abusers. Remember, if you sow mercy, you will reap mercy (see Galatians 6:7). Blessing and not cursing your enemies is a very important part of the process of forgiveness. One definition of the word bless is to "speak well of," and to curse means to "speak evil of."

The Tongue And Forgiveness

When you have been mistreated, it is very tempting to talk to other people about what has been done to you. For the purpose of God- ordained counsel, this type of sharing is necessary. To receive healing, comforting prayer, it is also necessary to reveal what you have suffered at the hands of others. But to

spread a bad report and ruin a reputation goes against the Word of God. The Bible teaches us not to gossip, slander, or carry tales. The writer of Proverbs 17:9 says, "He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends."Quite often we exercise faith to receive healing from our hurts and, at the same time, we fail to obey the royal law of love. In Galatians 5:6, the apostle Paul tells us that faith works and is energized by love: "for love covers a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:8).

We can have a talk with the Lord about what was done to us. We can even reveal it to those to whom it is needful or necessary for some reason. But if we want to forgive and recover from hurts and wounds, we must not talk loosely about the problem or the person who caused it. The Bible warns us about vain (useless) conversation (see Matthew 12:36). Unless revealing our problem has some godly purpose, we must discipline ourselves to bear it silently, trusting that God will reward us openly for honoring His Word.

I recall the case of a woman whose husband of more than thirty years became involved in an affair with her best friend. He disappeared with the woman, taking the family savings. This was a Christian family, and, of course, the adultery and unfaithfulness were totally unexpected and shocking to everyone.

The devastated wife fell into the trap of talking about what her husband and friend had done to her, which was not an unnatural thing for her to do in the beginning. However, three years later, after she had received a divorce from her husband who had then married her friend, the woman was still not over the pain she had experienced. She married a wonderful man, who was very good to her, and she said that she wanted to forget the past and get on with her life, but she was unable to forgive and press on. Listening to a set of my teaching tapes on the subject of the mouth and the power of words, she realized that she was not getting well because she was continually talking to anyone who would listen about what had happened to her. Going over and over the details, she was always recalling the painful memories.

God showed me that some people pray for healing and even say, "I forgive those who hurt me," so He begins a work, a healing process. But they will not allow Him to complete His work because they keep re-opening the wound.

When a physical wound begins to heal, a scab forms, but if it is continually picked off, the wound will never heal. It may even become infected and leave a scar. The same holds true with emotional wounds. Talking about the hurt and the person who caused it is equal to picking off a scab. It continually re-opens the wound and causes it to bleed again.

One of the most helpful things God has revealed to

me is the fact that forgiveness requires a discipline of the tongue. The flesh always wants to "repeat or harp on a matter," but covering the offense will bring good results.

If you do need to talk about your problem for counseling, prayer, or some other purpose, you can do it in a positive way.

Example: Which sounds more God-like?

"For fifteen years my father repeatedly abused me sexually. My mother knew about it and did nothing."

- or -

"For fifteen years my father sexually abused me. God is healing me. I am praying for my father. I realize that he had hurts in his past and was controlled by demonic forces. My mother knew about what he was doing to me and should have helped me, but she was paralyzed by fear and insecurity. She probably did not know how to face the situation, so she hid from it."I am sure you agree that the second example sounds more loving. A few well-chosen words can change the entire flavor of a report. Remember, if you want to get better, you cannot be bitter. If there is any bitterness in you, it is highly likely that it will show up in your conversation. The tone of your voice and your choice of words can reveal a lot about you, if you are willing to be honest. In Matthew 12:34, Jesus says that "out of the fullness (the overflow, the

superabundance) of the heart the mouth speaks."

If you want to get over a problem, stop talking about it. Your mind affects your mouth, and your mouth affects your mind. It is difficult to stop speaking of a situation until you stop thinking about it. It is also hard to stop thinking about it if you continually talk about it.

Choose to do what you can do, and God will help you do what you cannot do. Do your best, trust God, and He will do the rest.

It may take some time before you can discipline your tongue completely. Start by obeying the "promptings" of the Holy Spirit. If you receive conviction from Him to be quiet, obey and you will receive a bit more freedom each time you do so.

Also be aware that Satan will try to tempt you in this area. He knows the power of words. Words are containers for power! The mouth is a weapon either for Satan or against him. That is why you must choose your words carefully. Satan will even use well-meaning, loving friends to bring up your problem in conversation. Use wisdom and discretion. Do not be caught in a trap that will open up your wound and cause it to start bleeding again.

Trust God To Change Your Feelings

Feelings (emotions) are a major factor in the process

of healing and the issue of forgiveness. You can make all of the correct decisions and, for a long time, not feel any different from the way you felt before you decided to be obedient to the Lord. This is where faith is needed to carry you through.

You have done your part and now you are waiting for God to do His. His part is to heal your emotions, to make you feel well and not wounded. Only God has the power to change your feelings toward the person who hurt you. Inner healing can be accomplished only by God, because He, through the power of the Holy Spirit, lives in you (if you are born again), and He alone can heal the inner man.

Why does God make us wait for healing? Waiting is the difficult part. How well we wait reveals whether we have faith in God. According to Hebrews 6:12, the promises of God are inherited through faith and patience. In Galatians 5:5 the apostle Paul states that we must "by faith anticipate and wait for the blessing and good for which our righteousness and right standing with God [our conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action, causes us] to hope."

We do not have to wait for results when we follow the flesh. However, the natural human way of handling those who hurt us never produces good results. God's way works, but it works on the principle of sowing seed and patiently waiting for the harvest. You sow good seed by obediently following His plan, which is:

•      Receive God's forgiveness (and love yourself).

•      Choose to forgive and release those who hurt you.

•      Pray for your enemies.

•      Bless those who have hurt you.

•      Believe that God is healing your emotions.

•      Wait.

Waiting is where the battle is won in the spiritual realm. Waiting and keeping your eyes on God put pressure on the demonic forces that initiated the problem to begin with, and they have to give back the ground they have gained. As you keep your eyes on God, He forces the enemy off of your territory:

he who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand].

I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely,and in Him I [confidently] trust! (Psalm 91:1-2)

As you read the rest of Psalm 91, you will see that it is full of great promises; about how the enemy cannot defeat you. The footnote to Psalm 91 in The Amplified Bibles says, "The rich promises of this whole chapter are dependent upon one's meeting exactly the conditions of these first two verses." In other words, it will be well for those who dwell in the secret place of God and proclaim the Lord to be their Refuge and Fortress, those who trust Him by leaning their entire being on Him.

Here is an account of an experience I went through that will help clarify my point. A friend, someone I loved, trusted, and had helped in many situations, hurt me very severely. Lies were spread about me that caused great trouble and anguish in my life. Judgment and gossip were involved, and the woman who was one of the major initiators of this mess should have known better.

This particular situation was probably the greatest emotional wounding I had ever experienced in my ministry, because it came from a co-laborer in Christ whom I trusted and with whom I worked. I knew I had to forgive her or else my unforgiveness would poison my ministry and me. I began the six-step process that I have been explaining to you. The first step, choosing to forgive, was not too difficult. Next, I prayed the prayer of forgiveness, which was not hard. The third step, praying for the woman herself, was a bit more difficult. But the fourth step, blessing her and refusing to talk about her, was probably

hardest of all.

It actually appeared that she had gotten by with what she had done without any repercussions, while my feelings were in turmoil. I finally progressed to the point that I believed she was deceived by the devil, and that she had actually believed she was being obedient to God when she did what she did to me.

Although I was trying to apply step five, believing for my emotions to be healed, my feelings toward this woman did not change for six months. Step six, waiting on the Lord, was especially difficult for me because I had to be around this woman all the time. She never apologized for her actions or even indicated that she had done anything wrong. Sometimes I hurt so badly that I thought I could not stand it another day!

I would tell God, "I have done my part. I am trusting You to change my feelings." I learned that, for the process to work, you have to stand your ground and not give up!

About six months went by. Sometimes when I saw this woman, I wanted to explode and tell her off! All I could do was keep asking the Lord to help me control myself. I went through various phases of emotions during those six months. At times I could be more understanding than at others.

One Sunday morning during a church service, I

knew that God wanted me to go to this woman, hug her, and tell her that I loved her. I can honestly say that my flesh was cringing. I thought,Oh no, Lord, not that! Surely You will not require me to go to her whens he should becoming to me! What if my going to her makes her think that I am admitting I was at fault?I wanted the woman to come and apologize to me, and yet, I felt this gentle pressure to go to her. The Holy Spirit was trying to lead me into the blessings that God the Father had stored up for my life. So often the Lord tries to show us what will bless us, and we never receive the blessing because we are too stubborn to just do what He is showing us to do.

Finally I started toward the woman, hating every second of it in my flesh, but wanting to be obedient to the Lord. As I started toward her, she started toward me. Apparently God was speaking to her also.

When we met, I simply hugged her and said, "I love you." She did exactly the same thing, and that was the end of it. She still has never apologized to me, nor even mentioned what happened; however, because of my obedience to His leading, God broke the yoke of bondage. As far as I was concerned, the whole incident was over, at least for the most part. Occasionally I felt a twinge of pain when I would see this woman, or when someone would mention her name, but I was never emotionally tormented by the situation from that day forward.

Are You Willing to Go the Extra Mile?

The time came when God began dealing with me about honoring and blessing my parents. This was difficult for me to do because neither of them had ever showed any regret for the things that had happened to me. I knew that I had to continue doing what was right in God's eyes, even though I did not feel like doing so. Remember, forgiveness is not dependent on whether the person being forgiven deserves it. Forgiveness is a choice that is made as an act of obedience to God's Word. One time when my father was sick and in the hospital, he thought he was going to die, so he asked Dave and me to come and say a prayer over him. We asked him if he wanted to be saved, and he said yes, but when we prayed with him, all he said was, "I just feel dead inside."

He said, "There's just nothing there." He wanted to be saved, but he still was not sorry for what he had done. We had talked about what he had done to me, and now he made the most interesting statement. He said, "I am sorry that what I did hurt you, but I cannot really, truly say that I am sorry I did it."

I could see that my father had not repented, and he could not receive salvation until he was truly repentant. I also could clearly see that repentance is a gift; when a person feels bad about something he has done, that is a gift from God. But my father's heart was so hard that he just could not lay aside his pride and humble himself to confess his sins.

Eventually God led us to move my parents to St. Louis so they could be close to us, and we could take care of them. That was very hard for me to do because I had had a polite, see -you-on-the -holiday relationship with them before that time. I did not have bitterness or resentment in my heart anymore, but I was not going the extra mile to care for their everyday needs.

But moving them was something God specifically put on my heart to do. I do not recommend that anyone else do this just because God told me to do it. Obviously, if someone is still in danger of ongoing abuse, I do not believe God would direct him or her to do what I did. But my parents were aging and needed attention that only we could give them. When God told us to buy them a home, I thought we would just buy an inexpensive house for them, but God said to get them a good house. So we moved them into a nice home that was less than ten minutes away from our own. We bought them furniture, a car, and basically everything they needed.

Again, I must admit that this was not easy for me to do, but I knew that God was telling me to do it. I am not sure what would have happened if I had not been obedient, but I know that God has blessed me specifically in ways that I would not have been blessed if I had not been willing to do what He told me to do. God even blessed our ministry in ways that it would not have been blessed, because I was

faithful to do what He asked me to do concerning my parents-even though it was hard. It is important to understand that sometimes God does ask us to do difficult things.

The first three years after my parents had moved near us, I did not see any change in my dad at all. He was not trying to abuse me anymore, but he was still mean, hateful, and bitter, always responding to life with the same bad attitude. His expression would just make me cringe because he looked so miserable. He still did not treat my mother well, but we just kept showing him kindness and love.

We had been doing nice things for my parents for several years before he finally started saying, "Thank you. I appreciate it. You guys are good to us."

I felt that we had done everything we knew to do for my father. Now we just had to wait. The important thing to remember while waiting on God to move in someone's life, or in your own, is to just keep doing what you know is the right thing to do.

Some good advice that I have learned from experience is:Obey God and do things His way!It may be hard sometimes, but it is harder to stay in bondage. Always remember this statement: Even though it hurts to get free, it hurts more to stay in bondage.