CHAPTER THREE Confronting Fear

CHAPTER THREE

Confronting Fear

Fear brings torment into our lives, but fear is not from God. Our enemy Satan comes to kill, steal and destroy, but Jesus came that we might have and enjoy life (John 10:10). None of us can enjoy life when we are fearful. We should be bold and courageous, not fearful and timid. As we will see later, this boldness and courage come from our relationship with God.

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For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

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You may have a quiet personality, or not be real aggressive, and that is okay. But you don't have to be afraid of life, letting others push you around and being too timid to stand up to situations and people that need to be confronted.

Satan starts very early, even while we are still babies, trying to build a stronghold of fear in our mind and emotions.

Of course, everyone has a normal, healthy fear, the kind of fear that warns us about things like looking both ways before crossing the street in the middle of oncoming traffic. But I am talking about a spirit of fear that holds many people in bondage.

I once looked up phobias (fears) in the encyclopedia, and the list seemed unending. People are afraid of everything from A to Z — animals, water, heights, bugs, dirt, people, death, lack, loneliness, driving a car, going out at night, the dark, failure, rejection and abandonment. Some are even afraid of success.

Fear keeps us trapped in a narrow lifestyle, and all the while God has this great big wonderful life planned for us. It grieves Him when we miss out on what He has provided for us through Jesus Christ.

Fear will not go away; it must be confronted. The word fear in the simplest form means to take flight or to run from.1We are not in fear when we feel fear; we are in fear when we give in to the feelings of fear.

Fear can cause shaking, trembling, sweating, a dry mouth, an overactive bladder, a wringing of the hands and several other symptoms. Fear can also cause us to make irrational decisions and take actions that we regret later. Don't be so afraid of

losing your friends that you let them convince you to do things you don't feel right about.

We can learn to act on God's Word rather than react to the feelings of fear. In His Word, the Lord tells us, Fear not, for I am with you… (Isaiah 41:10 NKJV).

God is with us to help us. As a matter of fact, the Holy Spirit is referred to as the Helper as well as the Comforter. He is always standing by, even though He is unseen, ready to come to our aid in any situation.

You no longer need to be controlled and driven by fear.

When you find yourself being attacked by fear, call upon the power of God to strengthen you and enable you to stand against it. You no longer have to fight your battles alone; God wants to help you. Perhaps nobody else with pure motives has ever wanted to help you, but God does. Remember, He loves you and wants to help you live a good life.

Live The Good Life

Fear is not part of the good life God has planned for each of us. He won't remove all the feelings of fear that Satan brings against us, but He will make us able to confront our fears and begin to overcome them one by one.

The way we overcome things is by going through them. Confronting issues may be difficult, but it is necessary in order to conquer them. Once we are on the other side of a problem, we have gained experience as a result of what we have gone through. We can then use that experience to help others who are going through a similar problem. Actually, this is one way that God takes what Satan and others mean for our harm and works it out for good, as the Bible says He will.

Don't live a narrow life ruled by fears of all kinds. As situations come up, and you have an opportunity to bow to fear or confront it, ask God for help and start confronting. Do things afraid, if you have to, but do the things you want and need to do in life. Each time you do them, the feelings of fear will be weaker and weaker until it finally loses its control over you.

God has all the answers to all your problems. The world does not have your answers; God does!

We are often afraid of things that have happened to us previously.

A person who has been raped might be afraid of the same thing happening again. Someone who has had difficulty learning in school will probably be afraid of taking tests because they are an indication of what one truly knows. People who have failed at something in the past may be so afraid of failing again that they never step out and try anything.

Don't allow that to happen to you. Abraham Lincoln lost several elections before he was elected president of the United States.

In the Bible a man who was suffering from the attacks of Satan cried out,… the thing which I greatly fear comes upon me, and that of which I am afraid befalls me (Job 3:25). Just as faith has the ability to draw the blessings of God into our life, fear has the ability to draw bad things from Satan into our life.

As you have already seen, fear is only a feeling that Satan uses to try to keep you from fulfilling your destiny. He knows that if you grab hold of fear, you let go of your trust in God and open the door to his attack. Everybody feels fear at times; that is not the problem. It is what you do with fear that determines your outcome.

In the next section, you will see that Satan tries to use fear to keep you from progressing, but remember, fear cannot affect you if you don't give into the feeling and allow it to control you.

Satan Is Your Enemy

For we are not fighting against human beings but against the wicked spiritual forces in the heavenly world, the rulers, authorities, and cosmic powers of this dark age.

Ephesians 6:12 TEV

I have mentioned Satan several times in this book, and I want to make sure you realize he is your enemy.

Satan was an angel created by God. He rebelled against God and was kicked out of heaven.2 He was created with great power and authority and still has that power over those who listen to him. He is a liar and a deceiver and seeks to totally destroy lives. 3 He hates God and everything He stands for; he also hates anyone who serves God.

Satan deceived Adam and Eve, who were the first human beings God created. 4 He tempted them to disobey God. Because they listened to him instead of to God, they lost a great deal of blessings.5

Satan thought he had destroyed God's man, but God had a plan of redemption. He would send His own Son Jesus into the world to pay for the sins of man.6 Those who believed in God's plan to save them through Jesus would regain the original authority they were destined to have.

Satan has no authority over those who believe in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord unless they are deceived into thinking they should fear him.

Many people are deceived about Satan. They think he is a cartoon character, someone who wears a red suit, carries a pitchfork and appears on Halloween

and in spooky movies. They don't realize that he is real and is the one behind all their hurt and the devastating things that have happened to them in life. Often people blame God for their troubles, while not even being aware that Satan is their true enemy.

Many young people today are being lured into Satanism. They are being told they will have power if they serve Satan. Satan may give these teenagers power for a period of time, but when he is finished using them for his own purposes, they will be left an empty shell of what a person should be.

Satan uses people and then throws them away as trash, but you don't have to be one of those people. Beware of anyone who tries to lure you into Satanism or witchcraft. No matter how much they tell you it has helped them and given them power, believe me, it is not the true help and power God wants you to have.

It is Satan who brings fear into our life; he uses it to prevent our progress. Satan hates progress of any kind. He wants everything to be stagnant and dead. But Jesus said that He came into the world that we might have life — not a life filled with fear, but the abundant life He died on the cross to give us.7

Life is about progress. We are born and we grow; we learn and expand our knowledge; we step out into new areas and try new things; we succeed and we fail; we learn some more and try again. We are

always learning about many things: relationships, God, what is really important in life, who to trust, what produces joy and what does not. Even our relationship with God is progressive — we get to know Him by spending time with Him, studying His Word and experiencing His faithfulness.

Satan hates progress, and he opposes it vehemently. As we have seen, he uses fear to prevent it.

The only acceptable attitude to take toward fear is, I will not fear! Make up your mind that you are not going to live in fear, that you are going to enjoy the fullness of life that can only be experienced by living boldly.

“Fear Not” People's Opinions Of You

The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever leans on, trusts in, and puts his confidence in the Lord is safe and set on high.

Proverbs 29:25

Possibly the greatest fear we face in life is the fear of man. It seems to affect everyone in some way.

I know that teenagers deal with many of the same problems that adults do and that fear of what others will think, say and do is one of the greatest fears they

have to face.

How many times do you say yes to other people when really you want to say no? Why do you do it? Isn't it because you are afraid of rejection, judgment or criticism?

Take a stand! You may feel like you're swimming upstream and everyone else is floating downstream, and they're saying to you, “Come on with us. You're going the wrong way!” But don't allow others to run or ruin your life. You only have one life to live, and you should live it according to your conscience and convictions, not someone else's.

If your friends are not interested in going to heaven with you, refuse to go to hell with them!

Most of the people who try to control and manipulate you will drop you like a hot potato if their relationship with you no longer benefits them.

A manipulator is someone who tries to sway or give direction to another person shrewdly or deviously for personal gain.8 In other words, manipulators are those who try to talk you into doing things the way they think you should do them. They may even tell you that what they are asking you to do is for your own good. The truth is, such people never have your best interest in mind at all. They just want to use you to get their own way.

I have found that people often try to talk others into doing the things they are doing just so they will feel secure about their own choices and decisions.

For example, suppose I want to cut my hair in a new style that is just becoming popular, but I don't have the courage to be different. If I can talk a friend into getting the same haircut, it will make me feel more secure because I will not be the only one with the new and perhaps attention -grabbing hairstyle. If people don't like it, at least there will be two of us to console each other.

There are times to take advice and times not to take advice, and we must learn to discern the difference. Not taking advice when we truly need to can lead us into great trouble and even defeat. Proud people often end up defeated. The Bible says, Pride goes before destruction… (Proverbs 16:18). Likewise, taking advice when that advice is incorrect or untimely can also lead to much heartache and personal pain.

Don't be rebellious toward authority, but remember that proper authority will not try to control you, dominate you or manipulate your every move and decision. People who genuinely care about you will want to help you fulfill your dreams and will back you up in your decisions (unless, of course, those decisions are immoral and ungodly).

If people are truly your friends, they will encourage you to be led by your own convictions, to do what you believe is right for you. Even though they may be disappointed, if you feel you cannot do what they suggest, they are understanding and give you the freedom to make your own decisions.

There is no such thing as a good relationship without freedom and liberty for all parties involved.

One time I wanted my daughter to go shopping with me. At first she said yes, but a little later she said, “My heart tells me I had better stay home with my family tonight.” I did not ignore her feelings and push her and try to talk her into going with me. Even though I really wanted her to go, I had a stronger desire for her to follow what was right for her than what was right for me.

That is true love.

Don't Live Someone Else's Life — Live Yours!

Actually, the term for what I have been talking about is “peer pressure.” It refers to being pressured by those whom we admire and whose approval we desire.

Everyone wants to be part of the most popular group at school, date the guys or girls everyone looks up to, get phone calls and invitations, be included in what is going on, etc.

We all want that, but often Satan uses our strong desires for acceptance against us. He leads us into adopting a lifestyle of compromise and mediocrity just so we can have the approval of our peers. That is a sad mistake to make.

The teenage years go by so quickly. You are only that age for a short time. But when those years are over, you have the rest of your life to live.

The decisions you make today are building blocks for your future — make them carefully.

When I was a teenager, everyone wanted to be “cool.” That term may be out of date today, but whatever the acceptable term is now, the principle is the same. Most teens want to be “in,” to be part of the crowd.

I encourage you to be careful about the price you pay for acceptance and popularity. Is it worth ruining your life by getting hooked on drugs just to be considered “cool”? Do you want to risk becoming an alcoholic by the time you are twenty-five just to be accepted by others? Do you want to go to prison or be killed in a violent street fight? Do you want to risk being a pregnant, unmarried teen just to be able to say you've had sex? Do you want the responsibility of being a father at age fifteen or sixteen? Is one moment of pleasure or acceptance worth the price you may have to pay for it later? Often people pay a high price for a cheap thrill.

Of course, we all like to think we can avoid the consequences. We all like to think we won't get caught, that we can smoke, drink or take drugs and not get “hooked.”

These are lies from Satan. As we saw earlier, we reap what we sow. (Galatians 6:7,8.) If we make good choices based upon God's Word, we will reap the benefits. If we make bad choices, we will reap the consequences. It is deception to think that we will get away with making wrong choices and never have to pay the price for them. If you have already made some of these mistakes, God will help you. He is always willing to help us overcome the past and start a new life.

Before you go to school, to the mall or to any social gathering, be determined not to give in to peer pressure and compromise your lifestyle.

You don't have to dress like everyone else, do what they do, act like they act, talk like they talk or go where they go.

Be an individual.

God created you to be unique, one of a kind. You are special. You are a “Designer's original.” With God's help, you can be all you were originally designed to be. It is not His will for you to struggle trying to be like everyone else. He may not lead you in the same direction He leads all of your friends, but if you follow His direction, you will see that it is right for you.

All of my daughter Sandra's friends went to college, but Sandra did not feel that God wanted her to go. It was a hard decision for her, and it was sometimes difficult for her when people would say, “What! You're not going to college? Well, why not?” She did not even know why not; she just knew she had no desire to go because she did not believe that was the direction for her to take.

As things turned out, she ended up working full time in the ministry with us and did not need a college education for her particular job. Now I am not saying that you don't need to go to college. But it seems Sandra was being led in the right direction for her life after all. If she had done what all her friends were doing, her decision would have been questionable at best.

Take some time to find out what is in your heart! Stop trying so hard to be accepted by your peers that you don't really enjoy your life. Don't live someone else's life — live yours!

Loneliness Is A State Of Mind

Are you afraid of being lonely? I think there are times in life when we all are. Eagles usually fly alone, but they appear majestic, not lonely.

If you want to do something great with your life, you may have to make decisions that will separate you from others temporarily. Don't be afraid of being alone. You can be alone and not be lonely; likewise, you can be lonely and not be alone. Loneliness comes from feeling unloved. As long as you know that God loves you, it is not necessary to feel lonely.

I love to spend time alone. Naturally, I would not want to be alone all the time, but there are worse things than spending a night at home alone.

Loneliness is a state of mind. It comes from wrong thinking that releases wrong emotions.

There is always something constructive you can do if you broaden your thinking. Finding constructive things to do keeps you from feeling lonely. It occupies your time, and soon the evening is over and it is another day. You could go to a big party and be with twenty-five people who really don't care about you and still feel lonely.

Going out with other people and engaging in shallow conversation and small talk to avoid being alone does not interest me. I would rather stay home and read a good book.

Ask yourself if the people you are around are saying anything worth listening to or are doing anything worth your involvement. If not, make some changes in your lifestyle.

Quiet Please!

Most people actually need more quiet time, more time alone, than they are getting. We live in a very busy society, and everyone seems to feel that every minute of their waking hours needs to be filled with something.

We are addicted to entertainment.

I remember as a teenager that normal living was going to school five days a week and doing chores and homework five nights a week. Baby-sitting on weekends was not uncommon. If we did something for entertainment occasionally, we enjoyed it, but we did not feel deprived if we were not entertained every night of the week.

After I graduated from high school and got married, I began to notice a real change in society. By the time I had my last child, it seemed that to most people entertainment had become a daily necessity rather than an occasional luxury.

Today we have entertained ourselves to such a degree that it is getting harder and harder to find something to do that actually seems fun. We have seen and done so much, and usually at such a young age, that now it all seems boring. An overabundance of anything can cause us to lose our appreciation for it.

When I was a child, a trip to Disney World would have been a dream, something we only saw on television. But today my children have been there so many times, they did not even want to go back the last time we mentioned it.

My point is that all this addiction to activity we have gotten into has given us the mistaken idea that staying home alone is a curse. It is, in fact, a blessing!

Make a decision right now that you are going to start confronting your fears and that fear of what people think about you is going to be on the top of your list. Say out loud, “I am not going to give in to peer pressure ever again. I am not going to compromise out of loneliness or fear of rejection. I am going to make my own decisions and follow my own heart.”

Now stick to that decision. Spend a lot of quiet time just thinking about your future. Make some plans. Dream big dreams. Start praying about your future now, asking God to bless it and be involved in leading you toward it. He wants you to enjoy all that He has in store for you.